Billy Corgan - Entrevista en 'Half Of Us'

[Stumble-ine]

'Half Of Us' parece que es una web para ayudar a gente con problemas depresivos, desórdenes alimenticios, etc y ponen entrevistas a famosos para apoyar esto. Bueno, pues parece que este mes el tito Billy se ha animado a contar un poco su vida a lo 'los diarios de billy corgan' y han colgado una entrevista en 3 partes llamadas:

1) Alone and confused
2) Darkest Hour
3) Reflections

Success and fame unleash the scars of childhood abuse for Billy Corgan of The Smashing Pumpkins.



Abrid este link. Él sólo va saltando de un video a otro:
http://www.halfofus.com/pop/halfvidplayer.swf?videoID=33&chapterID=1

[Rolmos]

Video 2
Video 3

Transcription:

Alerta, SPOILER! de asunto desconocido:

Part 1: Alone and confused

My father was, um, was a musician, so I grew up in sort of an alternative lifestyle… with a lot of alternative ideas, drugs, and things like that. My core family didn’t fit into the culture we lived in and then abuse made me feel even more alienated from what was going on. Plus a lot of kids around me were being abused as well so you didn’t think, “well, I’m different.”

I think like a lot of people who came from a lot of abuse, you create this immense internal landscape or something, you know. So, you know, there was sort of an internal landscape and then in dealing with the outside world the best I was able to do that was first, through sports, and then music came second. And I thought I had everything kind of under control, uh, when I hit my sort of late teens/early twenties and it really wasn’t until public life came into my life that it all kind of came back out.

I cut myself. I – I- stayed up all night, you know. I did things with sleep deprivation. I – I - , um, you know, I got into like what you would call obsessive-compulsive behaviors these days. Like, I had 10,000 baseball cards and I would alph-… I would take them apart and alphabetize them, you know, for five hours, mind-numbingly so, and then the next day decide to put them all in numerical order. I probably had about 3 to 4 periods in my life where I’ve been completely despondent, ready to jump off a roof.

My father had a lot of drug issues. So I‘d sort of made up my mind in my teens that I didn’t want to have anything to do with drugs or alcohol. The difficulty was that I never sort of put the 2 together: you know, I saw his choices as his choices, it took me a long time to realize his choices had a negative impact on me. And I look back, um, very humbly on, um, some teachers and stuff that pulled me aside and said “man, what’s going on?”. I guess I didn’t really think that there was a context by which to talk to them in. Like if I told them “oh, you know, I’m getting the shit kicked out of me every day” you know, that they would have done anything. You know what I mean? It isn’t like today where people go to jail for abusing their kids and there’s public service messages… I mean, when I grew up there was no information. There was nothing. It was like there was nowhere to go. So even if somebody pulled you aside you’d think “well, I’m just going to get in more trouble.”

I thought the thoughts in my head were mine alone. I thought the feelings I was having were mine alone, and I was raised to believe that those kinds of thoughts were weak. You know that... you know that- that to think like that, to think about running away or to think about killing yourself or anything in that context, something dramatic, was your own problem. That you were weak, that you couldn’t deal, you know…

Part 2: Realization

Honestly, the- the- the magnitude of my internal issues really didn’t hit me until the band really started becoming a public entity, and I started receiving this… you know, like anybody does, kind of weird criticism. You start hearing things about yourself you didn’t know, “oh your nose is crooked” or whatever. You’re suddenly facing the mirror of the world’s expectations. As absurd and grandiose as it sounds, it really took being a huge band, having a #1 record, being on the cover of Rolling Stone to realize that I wasn’t going to find what I was looking for there.

When you are a teenager or you’re an adult and you’re faced with these situations where you’re overwhelmed by your feelings, you know I can at least sit here and say you’re not going to find it at the end of a crack pipe, or you know at the end of a gold record road, or you know a hit movie… like you’re not going to find it. It’s - it’s really an internal issue, and I think if I’d known that, that would have saved me some despair down the road.

I still do, I mean. I still feel like I’m- I get ov-… I feel like I was just standing on a shore enjoying a nice sunny day and you know all of a sudden this just big wave washed over my whole life and suddenly I find myself looking at everything differently, and food doesn’t taste the same, and I don’t feel the same, and I wonder what’s wrong with me, and… You know, I’m much better at accessing resources these days and reaching out to people I can talk to. But you know I still find life an overwhelming proposition.

Part 3: Reflections

Every time I’ve been on the precipice of- of you know, jumping off a cliff, or doing something crazy, or you know whatever… um, if I saw what was going to come later, if I’d- if I’d been able to easily see what was ahead in my life, there’s no way I would even consider it. Life is full of so many sublime, beautiful moments that to be your own judge and jury I think is- is asking too much of yourself. You’re making an assumption that you’re out of options, that this is the, you know, this is the option.

I think there’s nothing to be ashamed of, um, I think what’s the shame is that you could go in and close a door and sit there and brood and spin and you know drill yourself into the ground. And that’s the shame. If you don’t give other people in your life the opportunity to- to lift you up… again, you’re making a call that you shouldn’t be making.

[Stumble-ine]

Joder Rolmos que reflejos xD Estaba a punto de ofrecer mis servicios para hacer un resumen de lo que decía, y sales tú con eso. De donde has sacao la traducción? Bueno, y lo importante: Que te ha parecido?

[Dagger]

Gracias a ambos, muy interesante.
Luego entonces a Billy le zurraban la badana de pequeño... La otra vez que usó la palabra "abuse" no dejaba claro si se refería a abusos sexuales, o a alguna otra cosa más genérica (malos tratos psicológicos).

Y perdonó al padre, qué cojonazos.

[Rolmos]

Salió el tema hace poco en Netphoria, y tenia la transcripción guardado junto a los textos del journal de Billy. Me parece que utilizar una tragedia propia para ayudar a personas con tendencias suicidas es algo digno de respeto. Sabíamos mucho sobre su pasado, pero esta entrevista da muchos detalles curiosos, como lo de sus comportamientos obsesivo-compulsivos. Billy es un buen hombre, no solo un gran musico.